Too much time vacationing in my head…
So here i lie, on the couch, watching apocolypto and thinking gee, that dudes holding his heart in his hands…what the deuce? Ok, quite strange.
Anyway, back on topic here! Speaking of hearts, mending ones own is one of the hardest things imaginable. Trying to mend a wound that simply does not want to close is akin to walking on water. Its doable but only if you’re Jesus! Ha, all kidding aside, its definitely doable but it takes alot of work, alot of thought and a commitment to oneself. I have all of the above and i know i will be ok, i have to be ok.
See, here is where this gets interesting. In todays day and age very few people, at least in the “civilized” world have any kind of survival instinct. Their version of surviving is a trip to publix to grab some grub or a late night taco bell run. Lets not think too literally here, when i say survive i dont mean gutting a pig and eating it raw while wearing nothing but a bear skin three piece suit. What i mean by survival is the way in which people endure. There are other methods in which people these days survive. Drugs, alcohol, video games, casual sex, other addictions, the list is absolutely enormous.
Life is not easy, if it was it would be boring, very boring. If it were simple there would be nothing to it. Why then do some people do “better” at the game of life than others? Everyone has problems, this is an unavoidable fact but some people are able to endure in healthy ways and thrive regardless of circumstance. Where does this fortitude, this will come from? Where is it forged, when is it created and do we all have it inside of us lying dormant, brewing until it is needed?
Im beginning to think that it is a resource that is created or extracted, i do not believe everyone is born with it. Some people choose to bury their heads and run or avoid the truth. Others choose to confront it, head on, to bare their teeth and fight. Why must it be a fight one could ask? There is a winner and a loser in every fight. A struggle should have a clear victor. With victory comes a lesson learned. This is why i know i will be ok and that life is what it is for a reason, because life itself teaches us every day. There are lessons learned through pain, sorrow, happiness and intense joy. The modern man and woman can either choose to truly understand and learn from these lessons or they can bury their heads and look in the other direction. I choose to learn from my mistakes, i am keenly aware of how small and flawed i am.
For years i had intense guilt over things i had done, things i had said, things i hadnt done my past was governing my future. Recent, intense pain and loss caused me to look at this guilt, my past, my makeup, my foundation and learn from it. What is the point of holding on to guilt, of being too afraid to move past it? That my friends is mere survival without growth, its not who i want to be, its not who i am. For years i held on to this pain and was unable to move past it. No more, those days are over with and a confidence that i did not know i possessed has become the ruling force in my life. A confidence in my ability to adapt to a situation and learn from it, to come out on the other end shining. I might not smell like roses, i might be beaten up and bruised in the end but there is an end and i will always pull myself out of whatever mire or bog of shit i might find myself standing in.
Ive learned to be this way by observing some very important people in my life and then some very unimportant ones. Ive watched people escape, hide and avoid anything that they deem too painful to deal with. Conversely, ive watched some of the most amazing people accomplish the most amazing feats. Ive watched these people conquer fear, physical challenges, mental torture and god knows what else and come out stronger and with a will to continue fighting. Ive watched my own evolution from someone that didnt run but hid from their pain to someone that wants to confront it, to understand it so that i can learn from it and persevere. This is life, this is growth, this is what defines a person.
Their ability to cope and to come out stronger because there is no other option. That my friends is survival, that is the ability to thrive in the most adverse conditions.
