What is love? Baby dont hurt me…dont hurt me…no more!
Fuck, just broke my car window with the head banging!!! Damn roxbury boys!
Ok, cheesy techno songs aside, lets get down to business here. Not sure how much time ive got to write but ill do my best to provide another novel for you all to read and digest.
So, what is love? Im waiting…no response, no in put? Seriously, im legitimately asking you… Ok well, if you’re not going to help me out i guess im going to have to give my opinion, based upon my experiences.
There are three people in this world that i love and will love until the end of time. We could MAYBE put a fourth person into that category but to me, its a different kind of love, not quite the unconditional type but almost.
Lets delve into this a little further. I do believe that there are a few different kinds of love. I love AR15′s, AK47′s and bullets. I mean seriously, bullets make everything better. There is very little on this ball of water and dirt that cant be solved with bullets. 
I love my car, my house and a bunch of other shit that does not return any kind of feeling. Its possible that the word love is too cavalierly thrown around these days. Tons of my female friends have expressed their love, their undying commitment to…chocolate. Ladies, i know that chocolate is truly the shit but what does it do for you?
There is actually an answer to that question. Ask yourself how your car, your guns (ok, im probably alone in that sentiment) your possessions or your successes make you feel. Pretty darned good right? I mean, you worked for that car, that house, that blender etc. There is a certain level of satisfaction associated with these items that can foster a feeling of contentment. Is this love? Nah, most likely not BUT the feeling that is associated with owning the worlds most badass cell phone or that 32 speed blender of nuclear doom, as mentioned previously can give you a very strong feeling that is a component of love. The idea that you are content.
Lets not misconstrue this guide and the breakdown of love with gospel. Its possible that some components may be missing, may morph into something else or may be totally off base altogether so again, take this for what it is, my observations based off of my limited experience.
I was never one hundred percent content in my relationship simply because i couldnt give my love what i wanted to give her. I was however 100% content with the person that i was with. No one is perfect, far from and the ability to recognize this, understand it and accept it is priceless and will get you very far in your life. This is NOT an excuse to make excuses. Writing off potential ground breaking flaws because you’re in love is simply not the way its supposed to work. This falls into the realm of compatibility more than anything else so dont confuse yourself by being 100% accepting.
The above “issue” brings up an interesting topic of whether or not anyone is truly ready to be in a relationship. The answer to that is no, no one is really ready and waiting for a relationship. Relationships happen, sure there are decisions made on the part of both parties but no one is ever 100% confident in their status in life, their position that they can says, ok, im ready, bring it on!!! I didnt realize this until it was too late. Hindsight is 20/20 and what ive learned is that being in a relationship is all part of the journey. To me, there is no difference between personal growth when you’re on your own and growth while in a relationship. Is it harder to grow while in a relationship? Thats debatable since you have to take your partners personal growth and the interpersonal growth between the two of you into account. If you’re strong enough to handle this then you and your partner will succeed in an amazing way. If you’re unsure all that you can do is be aware of the fact that there may be struggles ahead of you but you’re willing to push forward regardless. Life is a game, there are checkpoints, mini bosses, bosses and grand finales. Saying you’re going to avoid the mini bosses simply because its too hard is never fun. There are struggles in life whether you are single, in a relationship, whoring yourself out to the nearest person of the opposite (or maybe even the same) sex etc etc. To think life is easier one way or the other is just a tad ignorant. Afterall, is anything easy really worth it and is anything really truly easy?
We are digressing a little so lets get back on topic.
We’ve discussed the component of contentment and how easy yet difficult it can be to feel that. Lets move on to the next topic.
There are literally 10+ definitions for the word love in the websters dictionary and all of them make sense. I cannot define or condense love into a sentence which is why this article exists but we can break it down further.
Passion, what is it? Passion is something that manifests itself in different ways. Some people are passionate about animals, other people are passionate about the aforementioned 32 speed nuclear blender of hand chopping goodness. On the topic of love, passion generally oozes out as a sexual desire for another person, at least in the beginning. It can be misinterpreted as lust, or hell, for that matter it CAN be solely centered around lust but again, lust is not love, there is a fine line between the two but there is a line nonetheless.
Passion can also be summed up in your willingness, your desire to do anything for your partner. It is not always sexually centric and some of the most tender and loving moments in life are born out of intense, heart pounding passion. These events are either the simplest gestures or the most grandiose, elaborate schemes. Me you ask, what is my definition or exemplary action denoting passion? The thing that makes me happiest is a soft kiss on the back of her neck before wrapping her in my arms and falling asleep. That to me is passion, that to me is tenderness. It is affection and caring, it is the embodiment of my desire to give her a part of me, something so sacred that only the most loved people experience it. It is security and commitment and desire. It is my willingness to lay down my life if need be for that person. It is sacrifice, again, the willingness to give up a piece of yourself so that you can share it with your other half. It is also the hardest thing in this world to do on a consistent basis.
Lets talk about this a bit. There are so many factors in this life that drag us down into the depths of despair. Too many stressors, too many environmental factors bombarding our happiness. Whats really interesting about this phenomenon is that thousands of years ago survival was more important than happiness. We are a spoiled species these days. We have the LUXURY of being able to put our happiness before our basis needs, at least for the most part. If you’ve got a job you’re most likely going to be able to afford a roof, food and clothes. There goes maslows hierarchy of needs right there. Sure, it will be a struggle and in the grand scheme of things your happiness may suffer but again, what is the overriding concern here with most people? HAPPINESS!!! “i work all day and im never happy, i never have enough money, i dont have a nice enough car, the guys/girls i meet are douschbags etc etc etc”. The list goes on and on and on and the primary concern is happiness. Gosh, we sure are spoiled!
It takes a traumatic experience in your life to really make you assess your goals and the things that get in the way of your happiness. What most people, myself included realize is that you are your own worst enemy. Get the fuck out of your own head, put your foot down one foot in front of the other each and every day and just live. Live damnit. Stop being so concerned with the details, what you want, what you dont have, what you want to get, what you want to do etc and just live a fucking life. Seriously, focus on the good, pick one thing that drives you, that motivates you and hold on to it like its your last bastion of hope. Dont ever let anyone take it away from you. Dont ever take it away from yourself. A cause is all anyone needs to find worth in their life. I found worth in a person, in an emotion and its been stripped away from me for many reasons. What hasnt been stripped away from me is the emotion. Its not what it was but its morphed into something else, a belief, a desire, a fundamental grasping of some basic knowledge. Consider it a lesson learned. It is a desire to be passionate in all aspects of life. Never, ever let the passion go. Do not let it stagnate, do not let it morph into complacency. Tell her/him every day that you love them. Give them that little kiss on the back of the neck. Hold them in your arms and tell them that you love them. If anything, hold them in your arms and mean it, hold them tight and hold them securely and hold them for life. Everyone deserves passion, to be loved regardless of who they are or what they’ve done. Dont ever deny anyone that feeling. I did because i forgot how to show it and it was the biggest mistake of my life. I will never, ever repeat that mistake.
Moving along, we’ve discussed contentment and passion. Obviously we’ve got to discuss sex. What must be said about sex that couldnt have been said with the contentment aspect and the passion? Afterall, both of those feelings/ideals are part of a healthy sexual relationship. Well, for starters, sex is a requirement for a healthy relationship but if you’re not content or passionate during or after your exchanges then you’ve got a serious problem. Can you be in love without having sex? Certainly but again, a healthy relationship involves a healthy sexual experience. There is something profoundly beautiful about a sexual exchange, the intercourse between two people. It is a divine coupling and a sacred ritual. Yeah i know, it sounds hokey but im in the vast minority that does not believe in fucking for the sake of fucking. One night stands are the greatest and worst experience all rolled up into one. To me they are meaningless. Are they passionate? Sure, absolutely, at least if you’re with the “right” person at the time. Does anything ever come out of them (har). Certainly but does it end up being meaningful? Perhaps but generally speaking, probably not, at least in this day and age. Sex deserves a certain degree of respect that is not present far too often in todays society. Turn on the TV and you see a marked lack of respect for anything female. Women are objectified and are slowly being turned into nothing more than sex toys for the male population. I wont go on record as saying that im above this because im certainly not. I love tits and ass, i love women. There is not a man on this earth that has not, or would not sleep with a women just for the sake of getting to see and touch her. There is not a man on this earth that hasnt at some point objectified their loved one and used them for selfish purposes. It is the worst feeling in the world when you forget that the person that you’re with is a living, breathing, feeling entity. It is soul crushing and truly is the most helpless feeling in the world. This is why one night stands and casual sex are meaningless to me and many other men like me. Sure, you dumped a load. Sure, she enjoyed the hell out of it as she writhed in your arms. In the end what is left? “see you next tuesday if you’re available”. Is that whats important to most people? One could argue that this type of exchange is born out of a lack of respect from both parties or it is something more. A desire to not get close to someone, to not truly feel anything for another person besides a momentary release. Is it born out of fear of being hurt, fear of letting someone in? What is it? Is the momentary passion of male and female coupling enough for most people? To me…no, absolutely not. Sex to me must be performed with a purpose, a display of affection, of love of commitment, of security, of tenderness. Do we as men lose our way every now and then? Certainly, without a doubt. Did i lose my way? Certainly, again, without a doubt. Am i now more sure of what i want, whats important than ever? Absolutely, experience is the greatest teacher. There is a reason why its called “making love”. Make love to the one that you’re with. Show them the deepest, brightest recesses of your heart and open it up to them. Give them your all and make it meaningful and worthwhile.
There is so much more to this article but ive got to head out to an appointment. Part 2 will be written in the next couple of days. Stay tuned!
