Too much time vacationing in my head…

So here i lie, on the couch, watching apocolypto and thinking gee, that dudes holding his heart in his hands…what the deuce?  Ok, quite strange.

Anyway, back on topic here!  Speaking of hearts, mending ones own is one of the hardest things imaginable.  Trying to mend a wound that simply does not want to close is akin to walking on water.  Its doable but only if you’re Jesus!  Ha, all kidding aside, its definitely doable but it takes alot of work, alot of thought and a commitment to oneself.  I have all of the above and i know i will be ok, i have to be ok.

See, here is where this gets interesting.  In todays day and age very few people, at least in the “civilized” world have any kind of survival instinct.  Their version of surviving is a trip to publix to grab some grub or a late night taco bell run.  Lets not think too literally here, when i say survive i dont mean gutting a pig and eating it raw while wearing nothing but a bear skin three piece suit.  What i mean by survival is the way in which people endure. There are other methods in which people these days survive.  Drugs, alcohol, video games, casual sex, other addictions, the list is absolutely enormous.

Life is not easy, if it was it would be boring, very boring.  If it were simple there would be nothing to it.  Why then do some people do “better” at the game of life than others?  Everyone has problems, this is an unavoidable fact but some people are able to endure in healthy ways and thrive regardless of circumstance.  Where does this fortitude, this will come from?  Where is it forged, when is it created and do we all have it inside of us lying dormant, brewing until it is needed?

Im beginning to think that it is a resource that is created or extracted, i do not believe everyone is born with it.  Some people choose to bury their heads and run or avoid the truth.  Others choose to confront it, head on, to bare their teeth and fight.  Why must it be a fight one could ask?  There is a winner and a loser in every fight.  A struggle should have a clear victor.  With victory comes a lesson learned.  This is why i know i will be ok and that life is what it is for a reason, because life itself teaches us every day.  There are lessons learned through pain, sorrow, happiness and intense joy.  The modern man and woman can either choose to truly understand and learn from these lessons or they can bury their heads and look in the other direction.  I choose to learn from my mistakes, i am keenly aware of how small and flawed i am.

For years i had intense guilt over things i had done, things i had said, things i hadnt done my past was governing my future. Recent, intense pain and loss caused me to look at this guilt, my past, my makeup, my foundation and learn from it.  What is the point of holding on to guilt, of being too afraid to move past it?  That my friends is mere survival without growth, its not who i want to be, its not who i am.  For years i held on to this pain and was unable to move past it.  No more, those days are over with and a confidence that i did not know i possessed has become the ruling force in my life.  A confidence in my ability to adapt to a situation and learn from it, to come out on the other end shining.  I might not smell like roses, i might be beaten up and bruised in the end but there is an end and i will always pull myself out of whatever mire or bog of shit i might find myself standing in.

Ive learned to be this way by observing some very important people in my life and then some very unimportant ones.  Ive watched people escape, hide and avoid anything that they deem too painful to deal with.  Conversely, ive watched some of the most amazing people accomplish the most amazing feats.  Ive watched these people conquer fear, physical challenges, mental torture and god knows what else and come out stronger and with a will to continue fighting.  Ive watched my own evolution from someone that didnt run but hid from their pain to someone that wants to confront it, to understand it so that i can learn from it and persevere.  This is life, this is growth, this is what defines a person.

Their ability to cope and to come out stronger because there is no other option.  That my friends is survival, that is the ability to thrive in the most adverse conditions.

Let it go, if you could, when love dies, in the end…

“So ill find what lies beneath, your sick twisted smile, as i lie underneath your cold, jaded eyes.”

Man, what a roller coaster this has been.  There comes a certain time in a persons life when they realize that this IS indeed life and all you can do is smile, grin and bear it.  The truth of the matter is that no matter how bad it may seem you can always pull something positive out of any situation no matter what.  Its all about perception and your outlook.  Now, this isnt to say that its ok to delude yourself and think that everything will be ok simply because you’re so happy your head could burst but again, acknowledge the negative, learn from it and focus on the positive and what you’re drawing from the experience.  If you dont learn from your mistakes you’re doing yourself a disservice.

This past weekend was truly one of the most epic experiences of my life.  I have never, ever been in a situation so revealing and so incredibly profound.  Was it an epiphany?  No, most definitely not but it was most certainly a realization.  The realization centered around how to cope with the evolution of the love you can have for someone.  For me, this was a very difficult road to tread on and the culmination was well worth it as i walked away with a better understanding of myself, who i am and what i want out of this hectic existence.

More to come, ive got to scoot!

What is love? Baby dont hurt me…dont hurt me…no more!

Fuck, just broke my car window with the head banging!!!  Damn roxbury boys!

Ok, cheesy techno songs aside, lets get down to business here.  Not sure how much time ive got to write but ill do my best to provide another novel for you all to read and digest.

So, what is love?  Im waiting…no response, no in put?  Seriously, im legitimately asking you…  Ok well, if you’re not going to help me out i guess im going to have to give my opinion, based upon my experiences.

There are three people in this world that i love and will love until the end of time.  We could MAYBE put a fourth person into that category but to me, its a different kind of love, not quite the unconditional type but almost.

Lets delve into this a little further.  I do believe that there are a few different kinds of love.  I love AR15′s, AK47′s and bullets.  I mean seriously, bullets make everything better.  There is very little on this ball of water and dirt that cant be solved with bullets.   I love my car, my house and a bunch of other shit that does not return any kind of feeling.  Its possible that the word love is too cavalierly thrown around these days.  Tons of my female friends have expressed their love, their undying commitment to…chocolate.  Ladies, i know that chocolate is truly the shit but what does it do for you?

There is actually an answer to that question.  Ask yourself how your car, your guns (ok, im probably alone in that sentiment) your possessions or your successes make you feel.  Pretty darned good right?  I mean, you worked for that car, that house, that blender etc.  There is a certain level of satisfaction associated with these items that can foster a feeling of contentment.  Is this love?  Nah, most likely not BUT the feeling that is associated with owning the worlds most badass cell phone or that 32 speed blender of nuclear doom, as mentioned previously can give you a very strong feeling that is a component of love.  The idea that you are content.

Lets not misconstrue this guide and the breakdown of love with gospel.  Its possible that some components may be missing, may morph into something else or may be totally off base altogether so again, take this for what it is, my observations based off of my limited experience.

I was never one hundred percent content in my relationship simply because i couldnt give my love what i wanted to give her.  I was however 100% content with the person that i was with.  No one is perfect, far from and the ability to recognize this, understand it and accept it is priceless and will get you very far in your life.  This is NOT an excuse to make excuses.  Writing off potential ground breaking flaws because you’re in love is simply not the way its supposed to work.  This falls into the realm of compatibility more than anything else so dont confuse yourself by being 100% accepting.

The above “issue” brings up an interesting topic of whether or not anyone is truly ready to be in a relationship.  The answer to that is no, no one is really ready and waiting for a relationship.  Relationships happen, sure there are decisions made on the part of both parties but no one is ever 100% confident in their status in life, their position that they can says, ok, im ready, bring it on!!!  I didnt realize this until it was too late.  Hindsight is 20/20 and what ive learned is that being in a relationship is all part of the journey.  To me, there is no difference between personal growth when you’re on your own and growth while in a relationship.  Is it harder to grow while in a relationship?  Thats debatable since you have to take your partners personal growth and the interpersonal growth between the two of you into account.  If you’re strong enough to handle this then you and your partner will succeed in an amazing way.  If you’re unsure all that you can do is be aware of the fact that there may be struggles ahead of you but you’re willing to push forward regardless.  Life is a game, there are checkpoints, mini bosses, bosses and grand finales.  Saying you’re going to avoid the mini bosses simply because its too hard is never fun.  There are struggles in life whether you are single, in a relationship, whoring yourself out to the nearest person of the opposite (or maybe even the same) sex etc etc.  To think life is easier one way or the other is just a tad ignorant.  Afterall, is anything easy really worth it and is anything really truly easy?

We are digressing a little so lets get back on topic.

We’ve discussed the component of contentment and how easy yet difficult it can be to feel that.  Lets move on to the next topic.

There are literally 10+ definitions for the word love in the websters dictionary and all of them make sense.  I cannot define or condense love into a sentence which is why this article exists but we can break it down further.

Passion, what is it?  Passion is something that manifests itself in different ways.  Some people are passionate about animals, other people are passionate about the aforementioned 32 speed nuclear blender of hand chopping goodness.  On the topic of love, passion generally oozes out as a sexual desire for another person, at least in the beginning.  It can be misinterpreted as lust, or hell, for that matter it CAN be solely centered around lust but again, lust is not love, there is a fine line between the two but there is a line nonetheless.

Passion can also be summed up in your willingness, your desire to do anything for your partner.  It is not always sexually centric and some of the most tender and loving moments in life are born out of intense, heart pounding passion.  These events are either the simplest gestures or the most grandiose, elaborate schemes.  Me you ask, what is my definition or exemplary action denoting passion?  The thing that makes me happiest is a soft kiss on the back of her neck before wrapping her in my arms and falling asleep.  That to me is passion, that to me is tenderness.  It is affection and caring, it is the embodiment of my desire to give her a part of me, something so sacred that only the most loved people experience it.  It is security and commitment and desire.  It is my willingness to lay down my life if need be for that person.  It is sacrifice, again, the willingness to give up a piece of yourself so that you can share it with your other half.  It is also the hardest thing in this world to do on a consistent basis.

Lets talk about this a bit.  There are so many factors in this life that drag us down into the depths of despair.  Too many stressors, too many environmental factors bombarding our happiness.  Whats really interesting about this phenomenon is that thousands of years ago survival was more important than happiness.  We are a spoiled species these days.  We have the LUXURY of being able to put our happiness before our basis needs, at least for the most part.  If you’ve got a job you’re most likely going to be able to afford a roof, food and clothes.  There goes maslows hierarchy of needs right there.  Sure, it will be a struggle and in the grand scheme of things your happiness may suffer but again, what is the overriding concern here with most people?  HAPPINESS!!!  “i work all day and im never happy, i never have enough money, i dont have a nice enough car, the guys/girls i meet are douschbags etc etc etc”.  The list goes on and on and on and the primary concern is happiness.  Gosh, we sure are spoiled!

It takes a traumatic experience in your life to really make you assess your goals and the things that get in the way of your happiness.  What most people, myself included realize is that you are your own worst enemy.  Get the fuck out of your own head, put your foot down one foot in front of the other each and every day and just live.  Live damnit.  Stop being so concerned with the details, what you want, what you dont have, what you want to get, what you want to do etc and just live a fucking life.  Seriously, focus on the good, pick one thing that drives you, that motivates you and hold on to it like its your last bastion of hope.  Dont ever let anyone take it away from you.  Dont ever take it away from yourself.  A cause is all anyone needs to find worth in their life.  I found worth in a person, in an emotion and its been stripped away from me for many reasons.  What hasnt been stripped away from me is the emotion.  Its not what it was but its morphed into something else, a belief, a desire, a fundamental grasping of some basic knowledge.  Consider it a lesson learned.  It is a desire to be passionate in all aspects of life.  Never, ever let the passion go.  Do not let it stagnate, do not let it morph into complacency.  Tell her/him every day that you love them.  Give them that little kiss on the back of the neck.  Hold them in your arms and tell them that you love them.  If anything, hold them in your arms and mean it, hold them tight and hold them securely and hold them for life.  Everyone deserves passion, to be loved regardless of who they are or what they’ve done.  Dont ever deny anyone that feeling.  I did because i forgot how to show it and it was the biggest mistake of my life.  I will never, ever repeat that mistake.

Moving along, we’ve discussed contentment and passion.  Obviously we’ve got to discuss sex.  What must be said about sex that couldnt have been said with the contentment aspect and the passion?  Afterall, both of those feelings/ideals are part of a healthy sexual relationship.  Well, for starters, sex is a requirement for a healthy relationship but if you’re not content or passionate during or after your exchanges then you’ve got a serious problem.  Can you be in love without having sex?  Certainly but again, a healthy relationship involves a healthy sexual experience.  There is something profoundly beautiful about a sexual exchange, the intercourse between two people.  It is a divine coupling and a sacred ritual.  Yeah i know, it sounds hokey but im in the vast minority that does not believe in fucking for the sake of fucking.  One night stands are the greatest and worst experience all rolled up into one.  To me they are meaningless.  Are they passionate?  Sure, absolutely, at least if you’re with the “right” person at the time.  Does anything ever come out of them (har).  Certainly but does it end up being meaningful?  Perhaps but generally speaking, probably not, at least in this day and age.  Sex deserves a certain degree of respect that is not present far too often in todays society.  Turn on the TV and you see a marked lack of respect for anything female.  Women are objectified and are slowly being turned into nothing more than sex toys for the male population.  I wont go on record as saying that im above this because im certainly not.  I love tits and ass, i love women.  There is not a man on this earth that has not, or would not sleep with a women just for the sake of getting to see and touch her.  There is not a man on this earth that hasnt at some point objectified their loved one and used them for selfish purposes.  It is the worst feeling in the world when you forget that the person that you’re with is a living, breathing, feeling entity.  It is soul crushing and truly is the most helpless feeling in the world.  This is why one night stands and casual sex are meaningless to me and many other men like me.  Sure, you dumped a load.  Sure, she enjoyed the hell out of it as she writhed in your arms.  In the end what is left?  “see you next tuesday if you’re available”.  Is that whats important to most people?  One could argue that this type of exchange is born out of a lack of respect from both parties or it is something more.  A desire to not get close to someone, to not truly feel anything for another person besides a momentary release.  Is it born out of fear of being hurt, fear of letting someone in?  What is it?  Is the momentary passion of male and female coupling enough for most people?  To me…no, absolutely not.  Sex to me must be performed with a purpose, a display of affection, of love of commitment, of security, of tenderness.  Do we as men lose our way every now and then?  Certainly, without a doubt.  Did i lose my way?  Certainly, again, without a doubt.  Am i now more sure of what i want, whats important than ever?  Absolutely, experience is the greatest teacher.  There is a reason why its called “making love”.  Make love to the one that you’re with.  Show them the deepest, brightest recesses of your heart and open it up to them.  Give them your all and make it meaningful and worthwhile.

There is so much more to this article but ive got to head out to an appointment.  Part 2 will be written in the next couple of days.  Stay tuned!

Classifying the Dude…no, not the Lebowski.

Surprisingly ive had quite a few requests from my female friends in regards to an article i mentioned i was planning on writing.  Over the past six months or so ive spent alot of time reflecting on what i want out of the life ive been given and whether or not im way off base with my desires.  This soul searching has been an interesting experience simply because its led me to explore not only my own personality but the personalities, character traits and mannerisms of my peers and the generalized male gender.  This is by no means a scientific study or even accurate for that matter but again, this is my blog and i do what the fuck i want so sit back, grab a drink and enjoy my observations.

To start, i will mention that my own desires are born out of intense and painful failure.  Relationships have never been a strong suite for me as i am inexperienced and my role models are well, not quite exemplary in their execution.  My father, the greatest man that i know was unable to keep two marriages together.  His first marriage failed due to incompatibility reasons and his second marriage, to my mother fractured because well, shes nuts…its fairly simple.  Mom, if you’re reading this i love you and yes, you know you’re nuts.

Having openly admitted that my experience is lacking both personally and from an observational standpoint i will say that it is very possible to learn vicariously from the mistakes of others although you damned well better be smart about it.  Whether or not you avoid the same mistakes is up to the individual.  I will say that i succeeded in certain areas and failed miserably in others but that’s life.  Push on and keep going!

One concept that i pulled away from watching my parents and my own relationship crumble was that love can conquer quite a bit.  It can lift you up, pull you up, strengthen you and give you the desire to push forward no matter what odds are stacked against you.  Having said that, love only goes so far and apparently its possible for it to die or to be misconstrued with other feelings.  It cannot solve all issues despite what some hippies say!  Something that i never felt between my parents was that love, that connection, that desire to stand beside their partner through thick and thin.  I experienced this first hand in my own relationship and the sense of failure was crushing.  Commitment is a tough thing to deal with but once you’ve made the decision to commit whole heartedly to a person and you’ve come to terms with unconditional love you truly can work through anything at least in my own mind provided one condition is met, ie reciprocity.  Love is reciprocal, never forget that and never forget to do everything in your power to show it.  For many men, especially men that have emotional issues love is often an unspoken thing.  Men act, we feel but we express those feelings through action.  Its truly frightening at times how far some men will go for those that they love.  To know you would lay down and die for someone if you were called upon to make that sacrifice is an earth shattering realization.  To know that there is no one else in this world that you would put before your partner is something that takes a little getting used to.  Over time, complacency can set in and it becomes very easy to simply coexist.  This is a problem in all relationships, not necessarily related to relationships with incredible foundations.

I decided at a very early age that i wanted to look at the mistakes that my parents made and do my very best to not repeat those same mistakes.  I wanted to have a successful relationship with whoever it was that i fell madly in love with.  This kind of thought is not the thought that the average male has when he is fifteen years old.  At fifteen, we are pretty simple.  Sports, boobs, homework every now and then and more boobs.  Seriously, its a one track mind for the most part.  At fifteen i was looking towards my mid 20′s when i thought i would be stable enough to support myself and the one that i loved.  Looking forward to love is a weird concept but it was what i was doing when i was a young’un.  This desire shaped me in such a way as to cause me to realize that i was most definitely not alone in my feelings and that there are certain kinds of men out there.  Eleven years later i sit here writing an article on my observations and my experiences simply because im at a point in my life where im left wondering which type of man i should be.

Lets start with the first type of male.  I cannot come up with a definitive name for this type of meat eating, beer swilling sword wielding two legged testosterone factory simply because i dont know whether or not i should judge them as douschbags or simply accept them for who they are.  Let me explain just a little.  For the purposes of this article we will refer to the categories as Type 1, Type 2, Type 3 etc.

Type 1 males are very simple in their emotional state.  They have only a few overriding feelings or emotions and these are generally centered around a manageable or incomplex emotional state.  What are most 20 something males looking to do besides stuff their faces and play videogames?  Ah, the glorious holy grail, aka poon.  Ladies, just remember, the vulgarity in this article is present simply because the author has a smattering of Type 1 aka douche syndrome in him, its unavoidable so please hang in there and take the writing with a grain of salt.  Ok, notes aside, lets get back to discussing the Type 1 male.  At eighteen, males are leaving High School, heading off to college and generally starting to enter the workplace.  With monetary gain comes confidence and a desire to establish oneself.  For the Type 1 gentleman this usually results in the futile exercise of bedding as many women as possible.  Its a misconstrued effort to establish their dominance.  Afterall, the most popular guys are the guys that are falling into as many tight, warm and wet holes as possible right?  Sure, to all of the other Type 1′s out there!  To everyone else…whatever is all i have to say.

Lets explore Type 1′s just a little bit.  As previously mentioned the drive behind this type of attitude is a misconstrued sense of self.  The Type 1 is looking to establish his dominance but in the end is left largely unfulfilled.  Afterall, there is very little emotional attachment in a one night stand.  Sure, there is momentary passion but once the load is blown you look down at that person and are left wondering what the fuck the point was.  You got your rocks off, awesome, it was selfish and if you were particularly adept you blew her mind and  you’re left momentarily feeling even better about yourself there eh Casanova?  Now, the question remains, why do Type 1′s keep repeating this type of behavior.  The answer is, why the fuck not?  Its socially accepted that its OK to bed as many women as possible.  I mean, rap, rock and even country music videos parade the hottest pieces of ass known to man in front of us 24/7.  Dont YOU want to be like little wayne and be constantly surrounded by the most gorgeous specimens in the human species?  Ill admit, i wouldnt mind it but again, thats my own Type 1 feelings rising to the surface.  If i tried to deny that desire im pretty sure i would be a liar or gay.   Getting back to the Type 1, these guys will generally repeat this behavior indefinitely or will eventually morph into Type 2′s which we will discuss next.

Type 2′s are the more mature Type 1′s which doesnt say very much in the grand scheme of things but bare with me here while i explain.  Type 2′s are generally the guys that have pillaged, plundered and conquered their way through college and are now in their 30′s or 40′s and have really nothing to show for it.  Many of these men are HIGHLY successful in their careers but are still alone whether its by choice or simply because they’re so emotionally stunted that they havent got the foggiest idea on what it means to be a part of a successful relationship.  Many of these men get to the point where its time to settle.  They pick someone that either compliments them in some small way, has a nice set of tits and a gorgeous ass or is merely there and they latch on for dear life.  The ring is exchanged, marriage ensues and they live happily ever after right?  Sometimes yes simply because its easy to settle.  The road less traveled is the road with all of the bumps, twists and turns unless you’re a psycho ass rally driver (which isnt such a bad thing sometimes!).  One could argue that you’re a fool for driving down a fucked up road but again, sometimes the reward at the end is worth more than the trip down the finely paved piece of asphalt.  These are not absolutes but ive found that anything worth fighting for is usually worth it in the end.  Back to Mr Type 2.  Again, we get into the whole social acceptance thing and we realize that in today’s day and age, while its most definitely not as common for unmarried 30-4o year old men to be looked upon as lepers, there is still a social stigma associated with these guys.  Afterall, even in 2009 marriage is STILL an accepted and embraced institution although that fact is declining rapidly.  Also, one must look at the generation in which the current 30 and 40 year old men belong.  These guys are children of the 70′s, the free love generation.  Even back then, marriage and the “natural” order of things still existed and these people were surrounded by people that still regarded marriage as a sacred thing, especially by the older generations and the parents of these guys.

Type 2′s settle, for settling down.  They’re tired of the wild party ways and simply want a companion whether its for the right reasons or not.  Beware of these dudes as they attach themselves for all of the wrong reasons.  Look out for Type 1 warning signs, ie very self centered and selfish.

Enter Type 3, the antithesis of Type 1 and 2 guys.  These are the guys that were never the Type 1 nor have they reached the desperate level of the Type 2.  These are the guys that know what they want in the grand scheme of things, ie lasting relationships that are fulfilling not for themselves but for the union between themselves and their mate.  These are the guys that know what love is, they’re the men that understand unconditional love, sacrifice and the ability to put their mate right beside them every step of the way.  Please, lets not misconstrue Type 3 men with the perfect male as they are far from.  No one is perfect, everyone has issues, everyone has baggage and EVERYONE fucks up in this life.  If no one ever made mistakes the world would be boring as hell.  These are the guys that make the best fathers simply because as previously mentioned they understand sacrifice and what it means to truly love.  Love is not a momentary thing, it is a lasting commitment to a person, a place or a thing.  Type 3′s know from a young age that they want to be married that one of their driving goals in life is to be successful for themselves so that the potential, the possibility to share in that success with someone else is attainable.  They believe in what marriage stands for, the embodiment of commitment, the vows, the oaths the giving of oneself to someone else.  I dont care what anyone says but to me, marriage is the least selfish institution or practice on this earth.  It is giving oneself completely and utterly to their partner.  Maybe im a fool, maybe im old fashioned but i believe in it and i think its a beautiful thing.  As i write this and think towards the future i can see tons of Type 1′s and 2′s scoffing at these statements and all i have for you is a big ass smile and a middle finger.

Remember, Type 3′s are not perfect, not by a long shot but they have the basis to be the man that every woman dreams about.  Accept them for who they are, understand their faults and love them.  They will love you in return and give a piece of themselves to you that Type 1′s and Type 2′s are incapable of giving.

There is one more category of man that we must discuss.  There is a fourth type.  These are generally the saddest individuals as they are the lost children.  These are the men that have tried Type 1, perhaps fallen victim to the Type 2 and invested in a relationship for the wrong reasons or were Type 3′s at one point and had their hearts broken.  There are many reasons why a person would belong to the Fourth type and generally, none of them are good.  Apathy is a primary reason, simply not giving a shit about relationships.  Many men see no point in being with a woman whether it be for the sense of fulfillment or the sexual satiation.  Honestly, if it floats your boat and you dont need it, shit, who am i to judge?  I will say that the Apathetic Type 4′s are generally Type 1′s in disguise as these guys WILL seek out female companionship but nothing that would be considered lasting or meaningful beyond dipping the pen in the ink every now and then simply because that component of the Type 1 personality allows them to.

Many Type 4′s get along just fine simply because they’re either so self assured or so self centered that nothing but themselves really matters.  They’ve got an agenda and anything that gets in the way of their own self adoration is simply not worth it.  Again, the similarity between Type 1 and Type 4 in this regard is creepy but please be aware there is a difference based upon the individual.  Some Type 4′s still have the capacity to love, to be loving and to be successful in their relationships.  They CHOOSE not to be but for difference reasons than the Type 1 mostly because Type 4′s are generally more mature or again, have different goals that are not conducive to being in a relationship at the current point in their lives.

There are many Type 4′s that have lost their way when it comes to love and relationships.  One could call these men jaded or one could simply say they’re in a convalescent state.  They’re either coming out of a relationship where they were hurt tremendously or they’re reevaluating their desires based upon their position in their lives or whatever it may be, there are a million reasons.  Dont rule out a Type 4 because of this and the aforementioned facts.

There are also Type 4′s that simply dont fit any of the generalized molds outlined in this article and we will refer to them as the remainder.  They simply exist in an indifferent state.

This article was written as merely an outline of the different types of men that ive observed and studied in my short twenty six years on this earth.  I still have alot left to learn about myself and those around me so dont take this as gospel.  Also, this article will NOT, for the most part identify right off of the bat which type of man you’re going to meet at the bar on Friday night.  What i will say is that if you’re at the bar on a Friday night you’re most likely destined to meet Type 1 or 2.  I read a study a little while ago that said that 85% of successful relationships are founded on meeting someone through a friend, not at a popular social venue such as a bar, nightclub or strip joint (har).

The article was written to give women hope, a simple understanding of what drives men to do what they do and to reinforce the fact that there ARE good men out there that want to give, that want to love, that want to do what i deem the right thing.  Remember, we are all fucked up and the second you accept that the better off everyone will be.  Dont write off flaws simply because of that statement but also dont condemn because of it unless its too much to be overcome.

Good luck in your hunt, the key is to have fun and to NOT look for it.  Looking for love is a sure way to end up disappointed.

The world we live in…

Ok so i had an appointment cancel and ive got a short half hour to write about what i had promised to write about the other night.

Lets retrace our steps.

This past Saturday i was out making some moola, visiting some friends and generally just having a good time.  I get a text from a female friend of mine asking me what i was up to.  She had been on a terrible date and didnt want the night to end badly so she asked if i wanted to come hang out.  I wrapped up what i was doing, jumped in the batmobile and off i went.

A half hour later i park at Bru’s room and headed on in.  Shes at the bar with a mutual friend of ours.  I high five my buddy, slap his ass and give her a hug.  Real men greet each other with ass slaps!

The two of them are at work devouring a nine foot tall pile of some sort of potato concoction.  No clue what it was but it was seriously tall enough to be considered a monument to potato hood.

We move into conversation in between mouthfuls of whatever they were eating and the situation started to unravel.  My female friend told me that she had gone on a date with a guy that she had previously dated a few times and it didnt end well at all.  The guy was abusive, very demeaning and just an overall dickhole…the perfect man right?

Guys, lets talk about something real quick.  If you want to get laid the fastest way to an insecure girls heart (by heart i mean vagina) is through her, duh, insecurities!  Talk a little smack about her, make her uncomfortable and you’re sure to get into her thong right?  Yeah, if shes sixteen or seventeen or SERIOUSLY immature.  Please, someone comment if that kind of shit actually works on mature, adult women because if it does ive got to start experimenting with it just for the sake of seeing if it actually works!

Anyway, after the abusive comments were laid out on the table i just sat there looking at her and wondering how the hell she meets these awesome dudes.  My thoughts were interrupted by the chime of her phone.  Sure enough, it was Dickcheese #1.  No apologies, nothing, just more bullshit.  So, my buddy glances at me and that evil little sparkle is in his eye.  He picks up her phone and proceeds to call the fucker.  Dickcheese #1 picks up and you can hear him whining on the other end of the phone.  Seriously, the guy sounded like he was going to cry.  I dont know if he was flagellating himself or he had his balls in a vice or something but man, he was definitely not a happy camper at that moment.  He hangs up, surely to continue abusing himself.

Now its my turn.  I phone up Dickcheese #1 and do my very best to make him as uncomfortable as possible.  After my little escapade he no longer picks up his phone, we figure hes done for the evening.  Not thirty seconds later, Dickcheese #2 in the form of Dickcheese #1′s best friend sends a text to our female friend.  I roll my eyes and dive into this one.  Her phone is now solidly locked in my hands.

He sends: “Hey you, what are you up to?”

I respond: “Not much, had a bad night”.

He responds: “Oh, sorry to hear that, im lying in bed, how about you?”

I respond: “Im lying in bed as well trying to fall asleep”

Ok, now here is the mind blowing part…

Not thirty seconds after i send that, the fucker texts me, ie my female friend a picture of his junk.  Not just the junk but the whole shebang, i mean, im pretty sure there were pubes sprouting out of her phone.

It took all of my self control not to go flying off of the barstool backwards into the fifteen people hanging out behind us.

Here is where we interrupt the train of events and i go on a little diatribe about the stupidity and ridiculousness of our society these days.  We as a society are so desperate for instant pleasure, instant gratification, instant everything.  Instant coffee, soup, car repairs, erections, marriage etc etc etc.  If it takes more than five minutes to accomplish its not worth it right?  Now, before anyone asks, no these two have not had a history, nor did she particularly want a future with this guy, especially not after viewing the junk up close and blackberry personal.  What the hell is the point of texting a picture of your shit to a woman who not only doesnt live in the same state as you but you dont even really KNOW very well?  Is it because there’s no consequence and you can get away with it?  How in the hell does that make a guy happy?  I dont know about you but if i were THAT sick i would go for the gusto and expose myself in person.  I mean shit, if you’re going to do it, do it right.  Trenchcoat and nothing else but a tub of vaseline and a really calloused hand!

I passed the picture around, everyone got a good look at it and i promptly formulated a plan on how to further fuck with this decrepit asshat.  After much deliberation i regressed back to when i was thirteen and cyber sex was the shit.  Yeah, i had it…dont look at me funny, you probably have too!  Seriously, who the FUCK had AOL for any reason OTHER than cyber sex and porn?  Stop staring at me with those judgmental eyes.

Back on topic!  I spent the next couple of minutes leading the fucker on and then the phone calls started.  Ok, so we’ve graduated to the next level of awesome here.  The guy wants to have phone sex!  Yes, totally interpersonal right there!  At this point im absolutely amazed at this guys level of maturity and his dedication towards commitment and real, lasting, personal relationships.  Lets break this one down a bit for those of you that want to explore the psychology behind this encounter.  I mention (pretending im female) that im in bed trying to sleep.  A wild fantasy in Dickcheese #2′s head is created and naturally the next step towards fulfillment is virtual dick and vagina stroking.  Seriously?  I mean, really?  This is whats important, this is what takes precedence in this guys mind?  Do men not know how to form lasting relationships or do they just not care?  Are we a species of mobile penises and semen dispensing units?  Part of me says yes, part of me says no.  The other part of me seriously hates Dickcheese #2 at that very moment as he is the antithesis of what a MAN is supposed to be.

The guy calls back and we refuse to answer.  Pleadingly he begs via text for her (me) to pick up the phone.  He calls back once more and i pick up the phone and in my deepest, most prison rape voice ask him “Hey, how are you doing baby”.  I gave Ving Rhames a run for his money.  As disgusting as this sounds im fairly certain i heard this kids junk flop to the floor lifeless.  No, he didnt lose his erection, im fairly certain his dick literally detached, fell off, and died.

Several minutes later after JB welding and duct taping his shit back on he sends another text: “thats fucked up!”

I respond “Yeah, please dont ever talk to this girl again, have a good night hunny”.

Was this a terrible experience for both of us?  Yes, absolutely, the last thing i wanted to see was anyones cock but mine.  I believe ive either destroyed the guy or ive done him a favor.  Only time will tell if ive created a misogynist goat raper that will abuse women until the end of time or perhaps he will get a clue that treating women as something OTHER than an object might get him a little further in this life and actually lead towards some form of fulfillment other than the momentary sexual encounter.

The moral of this story is that the internet, cell phones and instant messaging are wonderful and all but its far too easy to forget how to effectively communicate with people.  Ive fallen victim to this myself and i wont do it again.  Put down your cell phones, your key boards, your microphones and go talk to someone in person.  Go for a fucking car ride or shit, grab some coffee and look into that persons eyes while you talk to them.  There is a REAL person on the other end of that cell phone that has feelings and thoughts.  Take those into consideration and treat that person as more than just a damned digital entity.

Also, do the world a favor and have some self respect.  Keep your shit in your jeans until her REAL hands remove it for you and insert it into far more entertaining places than your own hand.  Ladies, same goes for you.  Boobs stay firmed ensconced in your bras until its time to reveal them.  Trust us, its FAR more titillating (har!) and arousing when we are surprised (in a good way!) by what we see.

Last but not least, respect each other!

Ok, late for my next appointment!  Comments are welcome.

Little late…

Fuck, been so busy i havent had a chance to go ahead and tell my little story.

Hopefully some time this week ill get a chance to type it up..its still just as morbidly disturbing as ever…

Stand by!

Will trade…

Kidney(s) for a PC so i can rock MW:2 in a month!

Its pretty sad when you want to play a videogame so bad just to get a simulated taste of one the worlds sweetest firearms.  Mmmm ACR…

Not to mention i can run around and pretend im the Costinator all the while saving the world.

Its So Easy.

Its easy to criticize randomly but it is even easier to criticize those that we love.  We dont criticize because we want that person to change who they are.  We criticize because we want to see that person reach their OWN full potential.

The line between constructive and destructive criticism is too blurry, especially when your intentions are true and you simply dont know how to say whats in your heart.

Next time you have something to say take a step back, think about it and let it flow.

How?

Wow, its been basically a year since i started this thing.  I dont even remember why i started it.  Probably to bitch and moan about my experiences with Mazda of America but man, times change and then they dont, its amazing.  I DO know why ive returned.  A friend of mine said that one of the most cathartic things in life is to write down your emotions, your feelings and whats rattling around in your brain in an attempt to make sense of them.  This is why im planning on jotting some things down when time allows!  Right now, my professional life is moving along as it should.  Im back in school, im doing what i need to be doing to push forward in this rat race and im enjoying it.  Ive got a loving family, loving friends and honestly, im a spoiled brat.  Ive got it made in the shade and all i want to do is give back, to succeed for the people that have wanted me to be everything i can be.  That is my mission and i will accomplish it.  Ive also found that after prioritizing my life i actually have time to do things i really want to do without rushing to and fro and never stopping to really enjoy what im doing.

The only piece of my puzzle that i have left unanswered is personal and will remain one of the most defining moments and experiences in my entire life.

How is it possible that someone can rip something out from you, something so important to your being, something intrinsic to your very nature and you’re left holding nothing but an empty void yet at the same time holding on to hope and knowing that even in the end this person was helping you?  How can you love and not hate someone that destroyed but also rebuilt a part of you through pain, loss and…love.

I can answer a bit of my question.  You’re never left holding on to nothing, not ever unless you’re truly empty which i do not believe the majority of the people on this planet are.  The people that are left unfulfilled and empty are the people that have never been loved, that have never loved.  That have never committed to anything in their lives worth committing to.

Learning to love and being loved are two of the greatest components of the human condition.  They are simply unsurpassed when it comes to fulfillment and purpose and can lead to a level of enlightenment that should be embraced and cherished.

There’s more to this but ive got to head out and get some work done.

Nukestanistan?

A friend of mine linked me this video today and after watching it, letting out a long sigh and thinking for a few minutes i had to ask myself a question.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540…4450&#27284450

Why have we not nuked Afghanistan yet?  I mean really now, we are at war correct?  There cant be more than 10,000 people in the mountains there and quite frankly, if there are, oh well.  Then again, im wondering if a Nuke would decisively win the battle?  Im thinking it probably wouldnt.  Unless, we dropped several those fucking taliban scumsuckers would probably just hole up underground and move to areas that arent irradiated.

Meh, these are just the random musings of a guy that really doesnt want to see any of those 20 soldiers returning home in a casket.  What sucks even more is that im concerned yet im so detached from all of this.  I havent seen combat, nor have i see any of the aforementioned caskets returning home yet i still care.  Doesnt anyone give a shit anymore?  Doesnt anyone want to win this war?  Fuck, for that matter, where is the desire?  Where is the willingness and the resolve to do whats right?  Anyone that denies radical Islam is a fucking fool and should be thrown into the hopefully soon to be irradiated pit that Afghanistan will hopefully someday be.

Ok, enough of these musings, its starting to sound like a rant.  Ill have to start a separate post in my rant section to discuss the scumsucking Americans that are too enamored with themselves and “peace” to do the RIGHT thing.